...About 15 years or so ago, I would describe myself as an extremely spiritual woman. I mean, I ate, breathed, and slept Jesus and church. I was one of those who not only went on Sunday, but also on Wednesdays and Fridays....I rarely listened to "regular" music... The radio station in my home or car would always be tuned to the Christian channels, or I'd have in a gospel cd of somebody in the business...
I was at a point in my life where I was a young mother, I had just moved away from the state of Mississippi, my hometown, and everything that was familiar to me to go all the way to the other side of the country in the Pacific Northwest area. I just felt like I needed a change of scenery and pace, and I didn't want to raise my son in the Mississippi Delta, already knowing all the limitations of good schooling, diversity of culture, etc. that he'd have to experience. So, I packed up all I owned and left... I said to God, "Ok, I'm not going to be able to do this by myself. You're gonna have to help me."....I felt like He came through. He surrounded me with a lot of good people in a particular church that I joined, and that church became my family. It was what both I and my son needed at the time...but it only lasted a few years.
As with anything in life, that season played out and I moved on to another state and another phase of my life. I was still relatively spiritual, but the tenacity that I had once displayed began to waver. In this new phase of my life, I met people and endured situations that slowly over time drew me further away from the church and that place within myself where I would go to get that "refreshing" that I felt I needed....It became an on and off thing, until over time.....basically up to now, has become almost nonexistent...
It's almost like knowing that something is good for you, and knowing it's there within your reach, but for some reason, you just never take advantage of it....Maybe it's due to feelings of not thinking you're worthy to do so because of mistakes and decisions you've made....or maybe it's because you have some built up anger and resentment for things that you don't feel should have been allowed to happen to you....I think for me, it was a little bit of both.
Nevertheless, I have reached a point in my life where I have never been more in touch with my humanity, weakness, and NEED for divine intervention....It's ashame that we tend to always run back to that source in times of extreme need, rather than making a choice to partake of it when everything is looking and feeling great.....Human nature, I guess...But I have again reached a point in my life where I am beginning to take baby steps to restoring that part of myself that I feel I lost......I've learned lots of lessons over the last several years of my life-- one being that it's not good to take anything to an extreme....Therefore, for me, it's not good to be TOTALLY engulfed in spiritual matters to the point where I loose that portion of my humanistic side that makes me who I am, makes me be real with people to the point where I'm not "superspiritual and weird"....cause only God knows that I don't like being around those kinds of people.....and I've also learned that it's not good to go to the other extreme and live this life in such a dry, non-spiritual way that you totally shut out God from daily life, and only run to Him when things aren't going well.....There has to be a balance.
So, this is the first inner thing that has taken place with me for 2009. I had to learn to listen to that part of myself that needs to reach out sometimes and find the comfort, fulfillment, joy, empowerment, and sense of worth that I have spent a long time trying to find in people and things, and begin to find all those things in the higher power, God, whom I choose to serve.
It's personal for me......It's not something that I'm forcing on anyone who knows me, or who I communicate with....This is medicine I need to take for me....I'm not shoving the spoon down anyone else's throat.....You have to find the medicine that works for you.
So with all that said, I just wanted to post a selection that was once a very important tune for me to listen to when I needed to withdraw within myself and get that assurance that I'd need to take me through a situation...When I first listened to the song, I thought in the chorus they were saying "There is a bomb in Gilead."...I said to myself, okkkkkkk...I'm supposed to be comforted by knowing that a bomb is somewhere??...LOL....But it's saying there is a "BALM," such as healing salve, and it's comparing that to the healing power of God....I was glad when I found that out cuz I wasn't gettin the symbolism at first...lol
ANYWAY...I'll be listening to this one a few times today......If it helps anyone else who listens, then that will be a plus. Have a good day.
